It's not just the shock & trauma of the initial loss. The domino effect of everything else that's affected is something called "secondary loss"... or what I call "The Ripple Effect". For more on secondary loss, do a quick google search or read this article.
For me, the ripple effect has hit much deeper and lasted much longer than I knew to expect. It's been nearly 3 years since our baby, Ezekiel, died just minutes after he was born, but I'm just now noticing some of the ways I've been effected.
Recently I've had to recognize and admit to myself that I've lost my edge for discipline and energy in the wake of losing my son. I used to be very self-disciplined and focused. One of those "if you put your mind to it" type of people. I mostly see it in my health. I put on at least 20lbs within a few months of Ezekiel's death, which isn't necesarily surprising, but it's the fact that I haven't been able to recover the energy or discipline to work it back down to a healthier weight... that's what I'm missing. That "edge" to turn the corner and make a change - it's gone now.
I might find it for a few days, but as soon as something derails me it takes weeks to put in the effort again. THAT is the ripple effect of loss for me. Where I used to have energy to "get back on the horse", I now have to wait until an entirely new horse comes along!
Discouragement is stronger.
Defeat lasts longer.
And for everything that requires effort I now think, "Is it really worth the fight?"
So, for those of you that can relate...
How has the ripple effect of loss changed YOUR energy and fight?