Ripple Effect - Energy

It's not just the shock & trauma of the initial loss. The domino effect of everything else that's affected is something called "secondary loss"... or what I call "The Ripple Effect". For more on secondary loss, do a quick google search or read this article.

For me, the ripple effect has hit much deeper and lasted much longer than I knew to expect. It's been nearly 3 years since our baby, Ezekiel, died just minutes after he was born, but I'm just now noticing some of the ways I've been effected.

Where I used to have the energy to “get back on the horse”, I now have to wait until an entirely new horse comes along!
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Recently I've had to recognize and admit to myself that I've lost my edge for discipline and energy in the wake of losing my son. I used to be very self-disciplined and focused. One of those "if you put your mind to it" type of people. I mostly see it in my health. I put on at least 20lbs within a few months of Ezekiel's death, which isn't necesarily surprising, but it's the fact that I haven't been able to recover the energy or discipline to work it back down to a healthier weight... that's what I'm missing. That "edge" to turn the corner and make a change - it's gone now.

I might find it for a few days, but as soon as something derails me it takes weeks to put in the effort again. THAT is the ripple effect of loss for me. Where I used to have energy to "get back on the horse", I now have to wait until an entirely new horse comes along!

Discouragement is stronger.

Defeat lasts longer.

And for everything that requires effort I now think, "Is it really worth the fight?"

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So, for those of you that can relate...

How has the ripple effect of loss changed YOUR energy and fight?