I want a song not about how I won't be shaken but about how I have been shaken. How I have been overcome. How I have been defeated. How there might be hope OUT of that place. Not some declaration that I'll never fall into the pit.
More than just "if God is for us..."
I want to know God is for me despite the shit. Not just in some distant, over-arching "He did something long ago" sense, but in a present-day "He's concerned with my circumstances" way.
Because if I don't feel freedom, does that mean the spirit of the Lord is not with me? "where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" right?
Does mercy really triumph over judgment? There's a lot of fucking injustice in the world. Or is God just hands-off?
I want a revelation of just reality. Perspective. Peace. Understanding.
When your experience doesn't line up with what you believe about God, what next? It reframes what you believe.
I'm tired of having to believe first. Having to force it. Especially when I'm not confident why I'm even pressing in. What's the end?